Classifieds | Archives | Jobs | About TGT | Contact | Subscribe
 | 
Last updated 23 minutes ago
Printer Friendly Version | TGT@Twitter | RSS Feed |
HOME LOCAL MIDEAST ASIA WORLD BUSINESS SPORT OPINION WRITERS
Terence Blacker: Encounters: David Cameron, Piers Morgan and alien life
November 10, 2012
 Print    Send to Friend

Nothing reveals character quite as reliably as the unexpected happening. BBC executives, for example, had no hesitation as to what to do recently when the presenter of Stargazing Live, Professor Brian Cox, right, asked whether he could point a Jodrell Bank radio telescope at a recently discovered planet in the hope that an alien civilisation might make contact.

They refused on the grounds that, since no one knew what might happen, it could be in breach of health and safety guidelines.

In the current climate, the last thing the corporation wants is another scandal.

The decision says everything one needs to know about the management of the BBC.

What better test of where we are than to check among our leaders and trendsetters as to how they would respond to an unexpected contact from extra-terrestrials?

David Cameron: I was absolutely appalled by these reports. I have always taken a particular interest in outer space, and I have absolutely no doubt that to have contact from what appear to be aliens is utterly unacceptable in modern Britain. I am therefore setting up an inquiry. Not just an inquiry, a public inquiry – with lawyers, glasses of water, celebrities, everything.

Not just a public inquiry, but an over-arching public inquiry. Let me be quite clear, this inquiry will be so over-arching that it will cover Mars, Pluto, Venus – everywhere.

Piers Morgan: I’ve known Al and Abi Alien for years. I think it was at a small dinner party for Hollywood A-listers, held by Brad and Angelina for Kate Middleton, that we first met.

They’re not conventionally beautiful but I told them that, because they had a great story to tell, I’d get them on my show as soon as I could. Watch this space!

Channel 4: We take a special interest in those with an interesting physical problem and we like nothing better than to show that the disfigured are people too, and often very fascinating in their admittedly weird way. Who could forget My 30-Stone Life, Freaky But Fine? We are very interested in signing up these celebrity aliens for a new documentary (Doctor, Can You Make Me Human?) which will question society’s notions of normality while creeping us all out at the same time.

Tom Watson MP: How long are we going to have to accept that people like “Professor” Brian Cox and the BBC think they have a right to bug – yes, I am brave enough to use that word – ordinary, working aliens who just happen to live on a different planet from us? I shall uncover a conspiracy within the establishment which will implicate the posh boys in Government, the media, the police, and loads of lawyers.

Who was the first person on the list to go into space? Sarah Brightman? And who was she once married to? None other than public-school Tory boy Lord Lloyd-Webber. I’m blowing the whistle on the lot.

Esther Rantzen: When I was presenting That’s Life, I’d receive letters from viewers who claimed that they had been abducted by aliens.

I thought they were simply trying to win my attention because of my global fame. Which is why I am now announcing a charity which will deal with anyone – and I mean, anyone – suffering from space-related personal problems.

I am haunted by the heart-breaking words of one of my fans. “In space,” she wrote, “no one can hear you scream.”

The Independent

Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites
Comments
 
Post a comment
 
Name:
Country:
City:
Email:
Comment:
 
    
    
Related Stories
Katy Guest: UK needs leaders like Michelle and Clinton
There are those who say that Americans are better than the British at meaningful displays of grand emotion. I don’t know about that, but anyone who watched Michelle Obama..
Matthew Norman: Throw Green into a reality show with Brexiteers
If Theresa May revealed one adorable quality in her first hours as prime minister, it was her love of doling out a punishment job. The mischievous scamp. In succession..
Raphael Schlembach: UK leftie movement theory
The Democratic National Convention has opened in Philadelphia to a backdrop of intra-party mayhem. Leaked emails released by WikiLeaks show that prominent Democratic Part..
Hamish McRae: There is no proof that trust outside the UK has been hit
There is one overriding question facing the UK economy: how bad is the Brexit hit? It follows that the overriding thing to look for this week will be any evidence that gi..
John Rentoul: Tough days lie ahead for new British PM
Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn: the resistible force and the movable object. The new Prime Minister is in the weakest position of anyone assuming office since James Callag..
 
FRONTPAGE
 
GALLERY
 
PANORAMA
 
TIME OUT
 
SPORT
 
 
Advertise | Copyright