‘Earth 2020’ needs to be cancelled

When this pandemic first started there was a joke photo going around on the internet of two aliens, one of whom is watching TV. The first alien turns to the second alien and asks him what he’s watching. The second alien says ‘Earth 2020. It’s a freak show down there right now.’

To be honest, I suppose it is a freak show and we’re all living it. Then I got to thinking, if aliens were watching earth right now, what might they see? And what might they be thinking?

Well they’d first see that every human is so afraid of something that they’ve hidden themselves away in their homes. They’re refusing to go out even when the government has opened up shopping malls and some businesses. They’re refusing to go outside even when they’re now allowed to exercise and get fresh air. They’re not leaving their homes even to get essentials and prefer to order online, wherever possible, even if it results in their orders getting mixed up by the shop or the shop purposely sending the more expensive options, or goods too close to their expiry date or perishable goods that have already started to perish. Even if it means having to pay through the nose for some items or some items not getting delivered at all even though they’ve paid for it.

Have you ever noticed that all aliens look sort of the same with no real features to speak of that would distinguish one alien from the next? I suppose if the aliens saw Earth 2020 they might see how this year they all now look very similar to one another with their face masks on when they do pluck up the courage to go out. All they, and everyone, really now sees are the eyes since everything else is covered up. Moreover, in order to protect themselves, many are even covering their hair.

Aliens will probably wonder if we’re all a little cuckoo with the singing in the bathroom. Whose birthday is it that everyone is singing it constantly now! They might also notice that we have all developed OCD with the constant hand washing.

They’ll see that we’re not sparing our food from the OCD either. Or other people who might dare to come to our doors with deliveries. Every grocery item is now being religiously sanitised at the door before it is brought into the house. It seems like a conveyor belt down here. Items are dropped off at the door, each is then sanitised, brought into a spot and then transferred to the kitchen from where it is then put away. Then the person who handled the shopping strips their outer layer and dumps them in the washing machine. Then the floor is cleaned with bleach and then into the shower they hop. Yes, it is indeed a freak show.

To be clear, I recently spoke to several friends in the UK and US and none of them is sanitising their groceries before putting them away, and two of them are elderly.

The aliens then see what they think is even more nutty behaviour. For some reason every week whole streets seem to come out on to their front doors or balconies slapping their hands together.

Then there’s the thing they might find extraordinarily bizarre. People who used to go out to work every morning, seem not be leaving their homes either. Are they no longer working? They seems to be okay with it despite there being a huge risk that this work from home lark might become the new norm and they may not have a desk to go back to.

Then aliens quip at the incessant infighting between members of the same household. They watch men beat up their wives and kids and wives beat up their husbands and kids. They see siblings fighting each other over space and the now lack of privacy or a disagreement over who put what where or moved what from where.

They see some earthlings lying in bed all day looking very depressed or lying awake till four in the morning unable to sleep because their minds are full of negative thoughts.

The simplest activity has now become a project or pure torture.

Dear aliens, from my perspective, I prefer the hours between 11.00pm to around 9am because then I have peace of mind away from everyone because, down here, the rest of the time is indeed a freak show and honestly unbearable.