Save yourself from being snared by a liar

We’ve all had people lie to us and for the most past we have all been taken in until it’s too late.

I’ve had potential employers lie to me thereby ending up not being my employers and I’ve had people in general lie to me with their nonsensical advice. We need to stop being taken in by these lies but unfortunately when speaking to people, we never look for the tell-tale signs that someone may not be entirely truthful. There are tall stories, exaggerations, white lies, and straight out lies

I’ve had people say that they intend to create a role for me and keep me hanging on for more than two years. I’ve had people say they will meet me for an interview in some far off coffee shop (that takes me an hour to get to and an hour to get back) and then not show up or answer their phones. I had one online art print seller who emailed me to say that he thought at least 13 of my works would sell and please could I send him high resolution images after removing my signature. When I sought clarification on the signature removal requirement they then turned around and said I didn’t have enough works to make it worth their while — all this when they had at least four other artists with far less than that on their listing. Was he lying? Well, I knew he wasn’t telling the truth!

Now a lie and utter nonsense might have the same consequences but I guess it’s important to note that there is a slight difference between them. Whilst they are both far from the truth, the intentions behind them are quite different. Whereas a lie is intentional and designed to deceive someone and prevent them from knowing the truth, the other is more of an embellishment. It’s not totally intentional and although the source of that information may be suspect, the person telling you the nonsense may not think so. In other words, the person telling the nonsense was told that nonsense himself and believed it. Other times they just make stuff up not intending to deceive but because it’s in their nature. In fact, ever heard the saying, ‘repeat a lie often enough and you begin to believe it’? Well the same goes for nonsense. It goes around so often among nonsense tellers that they genuinely believe it to be truthful. They have been fooled and are now unwittingly trying to fool you. Unlike the lie, there may not be any malice involved, it’s just nature.

Some people are good at spotting a lie and others are not. There’s a whole science behind spotting a liar and that science is employed by law enforcement agencies all over the world; it’s called behavioural science. Now we may not be able to be trained to spot a lie like the experts but there are certain tell-tale signs we see but don’t think much of.

So here are some amateur but effective ways to ensure you are not being made a fool of. For example, look out for eyes darting about, a big uncomfortable gap between information, little or no eye contact, sweating, fidgeting and in a hurry to leave. Experts suggest looking for inconsistencies in a story, perhaps by asking a surprise question that the teller did not anticipate being asked. Often a lie can be exposed simply by asking the person tell the story again but much later on. If it’s a lie, the story is likely to be exactly the same, almost verbatim as if it has been rehearsed. If it’s the truth the story might have extra information added because the teller genuinely begins to remember more details. One expert suggests asking the teller to repeat the whole story backwards because this throws off the teller and his rehearsed narrative.

One thing is for sure, if someone you know well, or know only slightly, is being extra nice to you, either they have bad news for you or they are about to tell you a lie. Whichever one it is, brace yourself.