Analysing the many forms of rudeness

Would you call yourself a phubber? I think that almost everyone is a phubber and has been since mobile phones were first invented. Phubbing people is rather rude, don’t you think? Actually the word phubbing is a portmanteau of the word ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’, the latter being the word to describe when you are with someone but aren’t paying attention to them. It may not be intentional but it comes across as rude all the same. Today, phubbing is fairly common among friends and family when your attention is divided between your phone and the person or persons you are with. Today if you walk past a coffee shop or restaurant you might notice that the occupants of a table seem not to be interested in one another but in their phones. Everyone’s head is down looking at their phone screens. What has got them so enthralled is beyond me. But since they’re all engaged in it simultaneously, I suspect neither of the parties present is actually offended by the behaviour. This has actually been a trend for years.

But if you’re not an active social media user you probably only look at your phone when your WhatsApp pings or if you have a call or text message. Even then, if it’s not an emergency, the chances are you’ll ignore it if you’re with someone, no matter how important or not that person is. That is the polite thing to do. But in today’s society, or should I say culture, technology being at your fingertips and common courtesy seem not to mix. In fact, many people who had mobiles were impolite long before the internet. I remember an incident some years ago when I was in a colleague’s office discussing an issue. In mid-sentence he answered his mobile and then literally disappeared on me. He did not return to the office the rest of the day!

Rudeness of sorts seems to be a common thing these days and phubbing, whilst not an overt form of rudeness, is impolite nonetheless. But people don’t have to be overtly rude to come across as such. Sometimes rudeness can be so subtle that the person at the receiving end may not even realise it. But let’s face it, in most cases most people do realise that someone is being rude to them.

Three or four years ago someone offered to meet me at a coffee shop that was miles away from my home. This was to discuss some potential work. When I got there after changing two metro lines and then taking a taxi I waited for more than 2 hours for the chap to turn up. I called him repeatedly since I was standing around outside the shop, but he did not answer his phone. When I got home, I emailed him to ask what had happened but the excuse he gave me upset me as much as when I was left standing there for over 2 hours. Not only was him not turning up rude but giving me a half-baked excuse was also rude. But at least he responded to my email, albeit with a lame excuse, because not responding is another form of rudeness. In fact, not returning someone’s call is also rude as is saying you’ll call someone back and don’t.

But even if you do answer emails or return someone’s call, the tone of that call or email can also come across as either rude or polite. For example, if your email is in monosyllables, that is very rude and even more rude if your answers in a phone call are limited to a yes or no. On top of that, constantly interrupting someone when they’re speaking and not letting them finish their point is considered rude and so is hanging up on people in mid-sentence.

But a new technique is being used by telemarketers and I think it is very rude indeed. Instead of actual humans calling, some organisations have decided to ring people on their call list and play a long and automated message. I have often hung up in the middle because I didn’t have time to listen to a robot. But strangely, and I suppose one has to laugh at this because the poor person is trying to get a sale, even a telemarketer can sound like a robot. Just last week I had a call from someone who was clearly not a robot but he sounded like one when he rattled off a list of services they provided. The list was as long as your arm and he spoke without taking a breath. He didn’t even give me a chance to say hello. This was not only rude but also rather amusing. You have to find the humour in life, right?