Weighing the heft of emotional intelligence

When you live your life, emotional intelligence is so very important. What emotional intelligence, you ask? Well it’s the ability to be able to recognise and manage your emotions when it is required. It might be at work, art home or when you’re interacting with anyone.  Recently, Tom Brady, the world-famous NFL quarterback, when asked a tricky question by reporters, said some things that we should all live by. Whilst on the field he was asked whether he was retiring. The exact question was, ‘Was he coming back?’ They presumably thought about the next season since they might have heard a rumour he was retiring. His answer was classic. His initial response was “I haven’t put a lot of thought into it. We’ll just take it day by day.” But you know how reporters are.

They don’t just accept what they perceive as a deflection and let it go. Get out of here! They didn’t believe that he hadn’t given it some thought. His next response was “Truthfully, guys, I’m thinking about this game. And, I’m not thinking about anything past five minutes from now.” That shut them up. Of course later on he did indeed announce he was retiring but he did so when he thought the timing was right thereby not compromising the game that he was playing.

Some people might think he was deflecting when he actually had made a decision but didn’t want to tell them, in which case, it was up to him to pick the timing of the announcement. But if he hadn’t made any decisions there’s probably a very good reason for it. This is what emotional intelligence is about. There’s a saying that goes, never make a long term or permanent decision based on a short term or temporary emotion.

So many people do just this. Out of anger, they might say they want to quit a job and many have done so. Out of anger, a boss might fire someone and many have been fired simply on that basis. There are times when people shop when they are upset. Known as retail therapy, this too is a lack of emotional intelligence because many buyers then experience buyer’s remorse.

There are time when you definitely should not be making important decisions. They include, after a fight or a major ruckus at work or at home or when you’re upset. When you’re tired and exhausted from a long day. When you have little or no time to make a decision. Often decisions are made at the last minute because the decision maker was procrastinating over and over again. Decisions made when you are angry or when you are very happy can often be the wrong decisions and they may be permanent.

The same goes for when you’ve returned from a vacation. You have on those rose-coloured glasses, you’re on a high from a great time you had sunbathing at the beach or visiting exotic places. You come home and want to move or quit a job because it’s not like where you just came back from. Guess what? It never is. Never make a decision when you are depressed.

Depression results in desperation and that’s the one time you are prone to make a major decision that has the potential to go horribly wrong. Just to get out of your depression, you are prone to jump into something even worse. Heard of the saying, out of the frying pan into the fire? Well, a decision made while you are severely or chronically depressed, may make the frying pan sound a lot better.

Remember how dieting experts always tell us to never go food shopping when we’re hungry? Well that’s a lack of emotional intelligence. Shopping when you’re hungry makes you buy everything you can get your hands on and eat it all, because you were hungry thereby ruining your health.

Emotional intelligence is also about being able to understand and listen to other people’s points of view without flying off the handle just because you disagree with it. It’s about being able to take criticism even when you think or know that criticism is unfounded and being able to express your satisfaction or dissatisfaction in a cool, calm and collected manner when the occasion requires. It’s also about displaying empathy or sympathy with others when required and showing emotional support to those who need it. It’s also about having the courage to say no to people’s unfair or constant demands, politely and without offending, when it is in your best interest.

Unfortunately, many people do not have that emotional intelligence and that has become apparent on so many levels. I guess the brain has two parts where decisions are made. The temporal lobe that weighs things up and takes time before decisions are made and the amygdala that reacts emotionally and jumps into decision making mode without being able to weigh the consequences.

David Caruso, better known for his role as  Lieutenant Horatio Cane in CSI Miami, is quoted as saying, “It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of Intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over the head. It is the unique intersection of both.”