Revenge is a dish best served cold

I think dramas and movies love to glorify revenge. After all, it does make for great viewing. Off the top of my head I can come up with several dramas and movies that seem to imply that either revenge is sweet and satisfying or that it can kill you too.

The Korean drama, ‘Man in a Veil’, seemed to imply that revenge is indeed sweet whereas ‘Miss Monte Cristo’ and ‘Red Shoes’ sent a slightly different message in that you may get your revenge but you stand to lose a lot more in the process. That the person on whom revenge is being sought got what was coming to them but in the end the protagonist was not as happy as she thought she would be. Whereas in one the protagonist lost her mind because she was so consumed by the desire for revenge, in the other the protagonist’s birth mother got what was coming but the daughter was filled with regret.

Now, I’m a Denzel Washington fan but for some reason every time his movie, ‘The Equalizer’, came on I’d change channels…until I finally cottoned on to what the movie was about. Now that movie showed that not only is revenge sweet as apple pie but those on whom revenge is being sought deserved it a thousand times over. And the best part is that he wasn’t even seeking revenge for himself.

He was avenging those who were being wronged by the system or by high profile thugs. After watching it I thought to myself, wow! Why on earth did I not give this movie a chance before? Then along came Equalizer 2 but this time with a twist in that, this time, his revenge became far more personal. I still remember his classic line to his agency partner and his three hired thugs, ‘…the mistake you made was killing my friend…I’m going to kill all four of you…the only regret I’ll have is that I can do it only once…’

All this makes revenge sound very desirable when your heart is on fire and your head is about to explode, especially when you’ve just been wronged. You begin to wonder if the person who wronged you will ever get their comeuppance, often referred to as ‘karma’. And if so, when? Will you ever hear about it going around and coming around, or witness it? In reality, rarely does anyone hear about people’s bad deeds catching up with them. Sometimes because they are out of the picture but mostly because it never happens.

I suppose that’s when people start to plot and plan their revenge…because they’re furious! That’s the condition known as Post Traumatic Embitterment Disorder. Moreover, in that state most people on a path to revenge never think about the consequences of their actions. They may not realise that the satisfaction of revenge may actually be momentary and, worse, it may give rise to a vicious circle of revenge-retaliation-revenge-retaliation.

All those scenes in movies and dramas where, at the end, the person who sought revenge walks off into the sunset and the credits start rolling are pure fiction. In reality no one takes being the target of revenge lying down. Even if they know deep down that what they did was wrong, they will never accept it and will often double down and get the person riled up even more than before but this time with double measure.

But, let’s be honest. Not everyone seeks revenge or is even in a position to do so. Revenge requires power which comes from having money, and a lot of it.

Therefore, there are those who actively seek revenge and those who like to move on from bad situations and instead expend their energy on making their lives even better than they were before.

But here’s the odd thought process that goes on in the minds of both types of people. Those who exact revenge are, in the end, not so happy about having done so. But they rationalise their actions by thinking that had they not exacted revenge they might have been even less happy than they are now. On the other hand, those who moved on and did nothing seemed to be happy but the thought often crosses their minds that had they sought revenge, maybe they would have been happier.

The general consensus among psychologists is to not make a decision to ‘teach someone a lesson’ when you are seething. Apparently, the saying ‘revenge is a dish best served cold is not a bad motto to live by. As time passes, you might find that, although revenge might have been well deserved, the person who wronged you wasn’t worth your time that could be better spent living your life to the full.

But if you are out for revenge, and some people do feel it’s justified, just remember the words of Confucius, ‘Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves’, especially if your desire for revenge is greater than your love for life.