One should not be a fair weather friend

What kind of a friend are you? Are you a ‘fair weather friend’ or ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’? I ask this because people’s mental health issues can have serious repercussions on not only their day to day living but, sometimes, their actual life might depend on it. Of course there are two main types of mental health. The kind that is more internal and the kind that is brought on by external factors.

We’re talking about depression, maybe despair and maybe even extreme stress brought on by too much on their plate. Some of these issues resolve on their own. For example, if someone is under extreme stress because of a certain situation or circumstance that has developed, as soon as that situation improves they are no longer under stress. Despair, on the other hand, is not an internal issue but one that is brought on by ongoing bad experiences that the individual persistently encounters. It is, by no means, their doing and some might just think it’s rotten luck and in some cases it could be. Depression, however, could be due to one of three reasons.

Taking diazepams long term or a specific reason that triggered their depression or it’s just a chemical imbalance in their brain. The first would probably require medical intervention, the second would most likely resolve when the reason for its cause is resolved and the last may also require medical intervention and perhaps even medication to correct the imbalance.

Whichever mental health issue is plaguing someone, they often can’t do anything about it themselves. Families, in such cases, can be ignorant of their state of mind and put it down to them just being a pain or, at best, they can be judgmental and simply say sarcastically, ‘you’re mad and need help’. The latter is often uttered during a verbal argument and it’s the least helpful.

But who can help? I think that anyone outside the family is the best person to lend a helping hand or even an ear. Therefore, as friends of people, I think it is our duty to ‘look out for that friend who just doesn’t seem right, either mentally or physically, especially when they seemed fine a few months ago.’

Some friends will want to talk and the mere act of talking might help them feel better because a problem shared is a problem halved. They often can’t say anything to their immediate family for multiple reasons including potential judgment. So, sometimes knowing that someone out there knows and fully understands what you’re going through is an enormous relief.

So if a friend, or someone you see and speak to regularly, even if they’re not your friends, won’t say anything to you, how do you know when they are in mental health trouble? Well, if the two of you stayed in touch with each other almost every day and then suddenly you don’t hear from her or she doesn’t respond to your messages, it could be a sign that something is up. So it might be an idea to call her if you and she are in the same country. Of course it could also mean she is suddenly busy but it’s always worth checking.

If you see your friend or an acquaintance on a regular basis and notice that there is a sudden and dramatic unhealthy-looking weight gain, that too could be a sign that either they are not eating or they are eating too much. In many cases, eating habits are often linked to emotions. When depression or mental health strikes, people either start eating too much or not eating at all. But it is noteworthy that appetite changes can often be linked to medications. Plus, are there indications they are hurting themselves? Are there any unexplained cuts, bruises and scratches that they are trying to conceal but you happen to see them. When you ask them about it they may give you an implausible reason. But ask you should. Other symptoms to watch for are teeth grinding, constant negative talk, red or puffy eyes, being irritable or developing a nervous tick such as picking away at their hangnails or pulling out their hair. Some judgmental people think that the sudden unhealthy habit of self-harm is on purpose and to show them how much angst they are in. In some cases it might be true but in many it’s just a way to release the anguish if they feel they cannot scream or bang things about, things that can help release the anguish. The takeaway is to offer to talk to your friend and lend her an ear, and support her if she needs professional help. So, what kind of friend are you?