Struggles in caring for spouses, parents, and grandparents

Jordan Rau and Reed Abelson, Tribune News Service

Thousands of readers reacted to the articles in the “Dying Broke” series about the financial burden of long-term care in the United States. They offered their assessments for the government and market failures that have drained the lifetime savings of so many American families. And some offered possible solutions. In more than 4,200 comments, readers shared their struggles in caring for spouses, older parents, and grandparents. They expressed anxieties about getting older themselves and needing help to stay at home or in institutions like nursing homes or assisted living facilities.

Many suggested changes to US policy, like expanding the government’s payments for care and allowing more immigrants to stay in the country to help meet the demand for workers. Some even said they would rather end their lives than become a financial burden to their children.

Many readers blamed the predominantly for-profit nature of American medicine and the long-term care industry for depleting the financial resources of older people, leaving the federal-state Medicaid programs to take care of them once they were destitute. “It is incorrect to say the money isn’t there to pay for elder care,” Jim Castrone, 72, a retired financial controller in Placitas, New Mexico, commented. “It’s there, in the form of profits that accrue to the owners of these facilities.”

“It is a system of wealth transference from the middle class and the poor to the owners of for-profit medical care, including hospitals and the long-term care facilities outlined in this article, underwritten by the government,” he added. Other readers pointed to insurance policies that, despite limitations, had helped them pay for services. And some relayed their concerns that Americans were not saving enough and were unprepared to take care of themselves as they aged.

Other countries’ treatment of their older citizens was repeatedly mentioned. Readers contrasted the care they observed older people receiving in foreign countries with the treatment in the United States, which spends less on long-term care as a portion of its gross domestic product than do most wealthy nations.

Marsha Moyer, 75, a retired teaching assistant in Memphis, Tennessee, said she spent 12 years as a caregiver for her parents in San Diego County and an additional six for her husband. While they had advantages many don’t, Moyer said, “it was a long, lonely job, a sad job, an uphill climb.”

By contrast, her sister-in-law’s mother lived to 103 in a “fully funded, lovely elder care home” in Denmark during her last five years. “My sister-in-law didn’t have to choose between her own life, her career, and helping her healthy but very old mother,” Moyer said. “She could have both. I had to choose.” Birgit Rosenberg, 58, a software developer in Southampton, Pennsylvania, said her mother had end-stage dementia and had been in a nursing home in Germany for more than two years. “The cost for her absolutely excellent care in a cheerful, clean facility is her pittance of Social Security, about $180 a month,” she said. “A friend recently had to put her mother into a nursing home here in the US. Twice, when visiting, she has found her mother on the floor in her room, where she had been for who knows how long.”

Brad and Carol Burns moved from Fort Worth, Texas, in 2019 to Chapala, Jalisco, in Mexico, dumping their $650-a-month long-term care policy because care is so much more affordable south of the border. Brad, 63, a retired pharmaceutical researcher, said his mother lived just a few miles away in a memory care facility that costs $2,050 a month, which she can afford with her Social Security payments and an annuity. She is receiving “amazing” care, he said.

“As a reminder, most people in Mexico cannot afford the care we find affordable and that makes me sad,” he said. “But their care for us is amazing, all health care, here, actually. At her home, they address her as Mom or Barbarita, little Barbara.” Many, many readers said they could relate to problems with long-term care insurance policies, and their soaring costs. Some who hold such policies said they provided comfort for a possible worst-case scenario while others castigated insurers for making it difficult to access benefits. “They really make you work for the money, and you’d better have someone available who can call them and work on the endless and ever-changing paperwork,” said Janet Blanding, 62, a technical writer in Fancy Gap, Virginia.

Derek Sippel, 47, a registered nurse in Naples, Florida, cited the $11,000 monthly cost of his mother’s nursing home care for dementia as the reason he bought a policy. He pays about $195 a month with a lifetime benefit of $350,000. “I may never need to use the benefit[s], but it makes me feel better knowing that I have it if I need it,” he said in his comment. He said he could not make that kind of money by investing on his own. “It’s the risk you take with any kind of insurance,” he said. “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.”