Letting your past rule your present

Someone wrote to a newspaper Agony Aunt recently saying that several bad events that happened to her stopped her from enjoying her life. Well, she could be right, or wrong, depending upon the events, their severity, their frequency and the overall repercussions they had on her life and the lives of those around her.

People often experience life-changing events that can cause them to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. Events such as being nearly killed in an accident or a physical attack or from the sights soldiers see and experience in war time. I am sure that these events can cause trauma to the extent that the person who experienced them in the past may be paralysed from doing anything normal with their lives.

But that is not the only time people continue to suffer long after the events have passed. Earlier I mentioned that the events may have been very extreme and very severe, and may have occurred only once but they were major and serious enough to cause trauma. But oftentimes someone may have experienced not just one unpleasant event but several over a period of decades. But let’s call these bad events bad memories instead.

When I came to Dubai more than 30 years ago, I had serious trouble finding a job. The reason being that the field in which I was experienced and qualified in the UK did not exist here. I don’t know if it does now but back then it did not. I moved from job to job because the employers didn’t know where to place me or how to use my skills. In fact, I was more unemployed than employed during my working years in Dubai. That in itself left a very bad taste in my mouth. Imagine your career being ruined whilst you’re in your prime. But there was more to it than that. The interviews I went to were a horrible nightmare, not because they were hard or I couldn’t answer the questions but because most of the time the interviewers left me waiting for more than an hour in their reception only to be told that they weren’t able to come. Or they’d not turn up at all and not even have the courtesy to send me a message through their reception or by phone. I’ve been left standing in the middle of shopping malls without hearing a word from the interviewer.

Then there are those who wasted my time; there was no role and the interviewer was simply filling his time with something to do. I’ve had potential employers get me to work for free and some who promised to pay Dhs500 for a job and not pay. I’ve been let go because my assistant decided that she wanted my job and got in with my boss. I’ve had 3rd party auditors have secret meetings with my boss behind my back vying for my role, getting me terminated and then being appointed as a replacement.

I’ve had bosses insult me to my face. One boss was hiring a media and marketing manager for her department, a role I could have undertaken but was told that I was a generalist whereas she was looking for a specialist. I resigned as a result and found another role. But the irony is that shortly thereafter, her department was dissolved too.

Back in 2013/2014, I was involved in something quite serious, the details of which I prefer not to divulge but that event has indeed left me semi-traumatised. Every time I relive it, it gives me the chills. It not only affected me but, by extension, my family too. All these events lead you not to trust anyone outside of your immediate family and circle of close friends. This is with good reason. In your mind, no one can really be trusted because few people have demonstrated that they can be. As a result, you are sceptical when you are invited for an interview. But when you get the job you don’t enjoy it because you are forever suspicious of the colleagues around you and are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is not enjoying life and for good reason.