Helen Coffeym, The Independent
If you’ve ever tried to find a place to live in London, you’ll already be all too familiar with the absolute bin-fire that is the capital’s rental market. In fact, perhaps even reading the words “find a place to live” have triggered a fight or flight response, spiking your cortisol levels as you relive some of the most harrowing experiences of your adult life. I still remember the time, 15 years ago, that I attended a group viewing for a grimy, tiny ex-council flat in Bermondsey, before being told by the cartoonishly evil estate agent that whoever made it back to the agency first to sign the agreement would get the tenancy. Cue me participating in a humiliating Wacky Races-style dash across town against six other women in their twenties. I may have won the flat that day, but I also lost my dignity.
Property ads have long been ripe fodder for ridicule based on their sheer, unadulterated awfulness, be they advertising comically tiny “studios” and box rooms with no window or asking for £700 a month for a sleeping bag on a metal bed in a Hackney warehouse. But in recent years, an even more obnoxious rental trend has crept into housing adverts: live-in landlords dictating that lodgers spend as little time as possible in the property that they’re paying a premium to live in.
This demand can range from asking people to spend some weekends away or stay out late most evenings to refraining from ever working from home or using the communal areas. The latest example to be named and shamed was a room in Hampstead with a single bed, wardrobe, desk and chair. Despite paying the princely sum of £1,350 a month, the future lodger was expected to scarcely ever be there.
“This space would ideally suit someone working longish hours in the city during the week and leaving the city for weekends,” wrote the live-in landlord. “I am also teaching the violin here in the evenings from 4-8.30pm Monday to Thursday, whilst this takes place on a different floor to the bedroom I am offering, it would be audible, so this room would suit someone who is not home until post-8.30pm.” The ad also made it clear that whoever took the room would be prohibited from using the living room, having any guests, and making noise after 11pm.
The listing quickly went viral, notching up more than 85,000 likes after a woman called Sophia posted screenshots on X (Twitter) alongside the caption: “Anyone looking for a single bedroom with no heating where you can’t make noise and can only be home from 8.30pm to 8am (weekdays only)? Here’s one for a bargain (£1,350)!!!”
“No guests? You can’t even have a friend round to sit in the bedroom with you like a teenager!” responded one horrified social media user. “So basically this person wants a ghost to pay for haunting her flat,” commented another. Unsurprisingly, given the backlash, the advert has since been deleted. Yet it’s far from the only example. Another housing advert was mercilessly mocked in October last year, after a couple uploaded a listing on Facebook for their spare room in Battersea — but demanded that whoever rented the room “give them nights to themselves”.
“The room would normally rent for £1,300 although we are offering reduced rent of £1,200 plus bills, as we are hoping to find someone who has a partner or family nearby that they can spend the night with occasionally, and offer us the apartment for three or four separate nights a month to relax on our own,” it read.
This, too, was swiftly deleted after a social media pile-on ensued; one X user shared a screenshot with the sarcastic caption: “‘Please rent our spare room but don’t actually live here. For the privilege of £1,200 plus bills’.”
And in March 2024, another couple went unintentionally viral after they advertised for someone to pay a subsidised rent of £400 a month. Sounds like a good deal, right? However, the small print stipulated that whoever moved in was expected to look after the homeowners’ children, unpaid, for three hours a day, plus only live at the property Monday to Friday.
All of these stories smack of people wanting to have their cake and eat it. Yes, they want another person to pay their mortgage; no, they don’t want the inconvenience of sharing their home.
“It’s wrong that landlords think they have a right to collect ever-higher rents without dealing with the ‘hassle’ of having an actual human being in their house,” says Jae Vail, spokesperson for the London Renters Union. “Since the pandemic, we’ve seen a surge in rental adverts imposing bizarre, restrictive conditions: landlords demanding tenants vacate during certain hours, banning working from home, or offering homes so tiny they barely fit a bed.”