Many don’t want to talk about the past

In my opinion there are two types of people in the world. Those who reminisce about their past and those who focus on the present and look forward to the future and what it might hold for them. Research results are not always accurate. The following finding is a case in point.

Researchers think that those who reminisce a lot also have lots and lots of friends because they work hard at keeping them. They talk fondly about past events and make their friends happy to hear those fond memories. Apparently it makes everyone in that circle of friends happy to hear about the good old days.

I think these researchers could not be more wrong.

I do reminisce quite a bit too but have I maintained a big circle of good friends, as the research indicates?

I have not and it’s not because I don’t talk about the past fondly. There are a myriad of reasons why people maintain a circle of good friends and as many reasons that they don’t but it has nothing to do with recalling the good old days.

Just think of it this way. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. What I might recall as a fond memory, to someone else in my circle of friends, that memory might actually be unpleasant. Moreover, while the one who is constantly reminiscing might be thought of as someone who has not moved forward in their life, their friends might have. They are enjoying their present and looking forward to their future which has indicated to them that all things will be positive. Many people don’t want to keep talking about the past, no matter how pleasant or unpleasant it might have been.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that many so-called friends like to keep their distance from a friend who is constantly recalling past memories regardless of how nice or how horrible they were. These friends don’t want to be seen as living in the past. They want to show the world that they have moved on in their lives and positive things are happening to them.

Furthermore, even if, deep down, they know that not everything in their lives is positive or going to be positive, they want everyone to think that they’re positive people. In their minds, if they involve themselves in discussions about how great life was back in the day folk might think that, perhaps, not everything is rosy in their lives right now. They want to maintain a façade.

But it’s not just good memories that some folk keep reminiscing about. Sometimes it’s the unpleasant stuff that plagues them and they feel the need to keep talking about it because they can’t get it out of their system. Unfortunately, this is the point at which the person reminiscing is likely to find friends disappearing on them. Who wants to hear someone going on about the same horrible event, or events, over and over again?

I wonder, though, if people can create false memories in their minds. Children do it all the time and I don’t see any reason why adults can’t either, especially if we’re talking about memories that might go back 40 or 50 years. Over time memories get muddled. Some people can’t remember what they did a week ago so how can their recollection of what happened 40 years ago be accurate?

The only reason you’re going to keep your good friends around you is when you both share a memory in exactly the same way because then you have common grounds. If your recollection is different, it’s a sure way to lose a friend.

In my view, it’s hard not to think about an unpleasant event in the past when the present is impacted by it, or the present is the total opposite of that past. Some people are lucky in life in that they have been able to move on because their present has been good to them. If only we were all that lucky. After all, who doesn’t want to move on in life? How often do you reminisce about your past?