How to be polite in difficult situations

Everyone in life should try and avoid confrontations and altercations. These can be both physical and verbal and both can lead to a breakdown in relationships at home and in the workplace. Getting into any kind of tense discussion can have the potential to become volatile between both parties. Those who are aware of the potential for disaster or always wish to be polite have the tendency to use subtle language to avoid conflict. The words say one thing but if you are astute and suspicious they could mean another.

Generally, in order to understand the real meaning of certain English phrases, you either need to be a native speaker of the language or at least have a very good grasp of it. Otherwise, you may take the phrase at its literal meaning. For example, if someone were to say to you, ‘Well that went well’, it doesn’t mean that it went well. It’s a polite and somewhat sarcastic way of saying that it was a disaster. Now, if someone calls you Sherlock or Einstein, it’s not a compliment. It’s actually a sarcastic way of saying you’re clueless (hence the Sherlock reference) or you’re not very clever (hence the Einstein reference).

Other phrases are far, far more subtle than this. For example, if you invite someone to an event and they say ‘Oh, sounds fun, I’ll let you know’ it actually means they have no intention of coming. If you ask someone a question and they say, ‘Let me come back to you on that one’, they’re really saying ‘I haven’t the foggiest idea.’

Now the phrase, ‘I beg your pardon’ can have two meanings. It can mean the person is being genuine and say, ‘Please could you repeat that, I couldn’t hear you’ or, depending on the tone in which it’s being said, he could also mean ‘What the hell did you just say?’ It’s very similar to the American version of ‘Excuse me?’ upon hearing something they don’t like.

If you give someone advice they may not like, they may say ‘I’ll think about it’ but what they’re really saying is ‘that’s terrible advice and I’m going to ignore it’. On the other hand, if someone says, ‘That’s just great’ in response to something that has just happened, what they really mean is ‘This is terrible’.

Now, if you’re giving someone your opinion, they might respond with ‘with all due respect’ which is another way of saying that they think you’re completely wrong and start to tell you why you’re wrong.

If you’ve cooked something for someone and they’ve never tried it before, you might hear the word ‘interesting’ after they’ve tasted it. What they really mean is, ‘This tastes horrible’. Another way to use the word ‘interesting’ is when someone says ‘interesting idea’ to your suggestion. What they really mean is ‘that’s a really bad idea’.

If someone needs to get past you and they say, ‘Excuse me’, what they really mean is, ‘Please move out of the way because I need to get by’.

Now if you telephone someone they might speak to you or they might say, ‘Can I call you back?’ If they’re your friend, they’re probably genuinely busy and will call you back but if you barely know them and they don’t want to hear what you have to say, you need to know that ‘can I call you back’ is not a question. It’s actually a way of saying, ‘I’m not interested in this phone call and, therefore, will not call you back.’ Another way of trying to get someone off the line is to say, ‘Oh I have another line coming in and need to take it. Often there is no other line coming in so this is a way to say, ‘I don’t like this conversation and need to end it now’.

Emails can also be riddled with phrases that might mean something else. The most common one is, ‘In reference to my email dated...’ which could possibly mean ‘I’ve already explained this in my previous email so I’m not going to repeat it’. The other is, ‘Could you please clarify?’ which could mean ‘What, this is nonsense!’